Dec. 24th, 2010 06:14 am
crimson_firecat: (Default)
I totally didn't forget about this place, wat. ._.

*cough* Anywaaaay.

So, stuff has happened.

What, stuff? Do tell!


Halloween was pretty much epic. My real life friend Jen came over and we sat up in my room and did a little makeshift Samhain ritual. Just kinda chilled with some candles, did some chanting and reflecting, some fire meditation (basically staring into the candle flames and going into a trance or something), and talked about stuff. And did like a communion with some cider and cupcakes. c: Was -great-.

In November... Oh! I should mention (and plug), that I got accepted into a serial killer collab comic on SJ called Serial Box. C: Ffffffuck yes.~

So, I'm taking Paxil now. What's Paxil you ask? It's anxiety/depression medication that I started after I heard about it from a friend (and apparently my mom used to take it). I just finished the period where I start out on one a day, and now I'm taking two. Hooraaay. Now hopefully I'll be all medicated and calm when the therapist starts coming for actual sessions.

Also, since my mom just got on social security and I'm now officially the disabled child of a disabled parent, I'm now getting social security benefits, in -addition- to the supplemental security income (SSI). However, one of the amounts is gonna be reduced to accommodate the extra income. Whatever, as long as I'm not getting -less- than I already was.

Other than that, I've just been kinda... Drifting in and out of depression and anxiety, and then good moods. I've also been having a shitty time sleeping all this week. It's been taking me forever to get comfortable, and sometimes when I actually get to sleep it's not even a real sleep and I keep waking up. UGH.

The 21st was the Winter Solstice, or Yule. I was gonna do Wiccan things with Jen, but I decided not too since I was too sore and tired (and she was probably working). Meh, I still said a little prayer thing in my head before I fell asleep. And now it's Christmas Eve, so the parents and sister will be heading to MN to spend the afternoon with the relatives. I've got some Subway in the fridge I'm gonna eat for supper. Yummmm.~ I just recently bought the Squiddles and Alternia album from the Homestuck music site ( as a present to me.. And also cause I reeeeally wanted to see the full Squiddles animation.~<3

Have a great Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Yule, and whatever else!

P.S.; Derp, and a happy New Year! <3


Oct. 25th, 2010 10:58 pm
crimson_firecat: (Default)
Just so ya know, I say bluh a lot. I blame Homestuck.

So yeah.. The other day (Thursday?) the therapist came over for the first time. I had all the anxious. The anxious was me, etc. Apparently I need to start blocking freaking-out thoughts from my mind and shit when I try to go places. (Oh yeah, I need the therapy cause I'm agoraphobic or something similar, and haven't left our property since like June because any time I try to go somewhere I get sick and have to turn around and go home. Also I have aspergers and ODD and ADD which might be attributing.) Which, I mean, it SOUNDS easy, but it isn't. I can't really block out thoughts and replace them with good ones.. I feel like it's lying to myself, which is dumb. It wasn't spoken of specifically, but here's examples.

Me (thinking): Wow I'm ugly and fat.

What am I supposed to say instead, I'm beautiful and thin? Those are both completely wrong. I'm not beautiful, but I'm also not ugly. And I'm obese. So what, should I say 'I'm average looking and I COULD be fatter?' Wat.

Meh, anyway. I'm supposed to schedule an appointment at the doctor's for a full check up (I need to get one and get it all down on paper for my medicaid to cover the home-visit therapy with him). Ughhh so dreading THAT. But, I do *need* to do it, at least to get my last Guardasil shot. I'm just.. Really not looking forward to it. /shudder

Aside from that, I've been.. Kinda pendulum-ing (so swinging, shush.) between depressed and ok lately. Some things have been setting off my depression, mostly to due with stuff my friends say (that I know aren't meant to do that, don't worry, I know you guys aren't doing it consciously <333), especially my best friend. Just.. Ugh, man. Sometimes it feels like I'm completely stupid. He always assures me I'm not, but it's hard to not think I am (and that *he* thinks I am) when I need stuff he says explained to me so damn much. And other people too. And then I'm like DERP LOLOL I SO SLOWWWW.

Ugh.. Sometimes I just wanna cry.. Not even over a particular thing, but just to vent and get it all out. I don't think I have in a while because I haven't been able to be in my room for so long, and my only other option for privacy is the bathroom, which I'm in enough as it is.

Buuuut on the upside, I have had quite a few good days. ^^; Where I'm just in a good mood. It's usually on days where I'm just drawing by myself or playing WoW with my sister, or just talking to my bff while doing these things. But when I'm JUST talking to people, it's usually a bad/boring one. Kinda like today, which is why I'm about to pick up my tablet and get to work on that troll art trade I'm in with CherryVincent from FA. I'm so stoked to see what he does with Persea.~

So yeah. Just gonna get some fewd and soda, draw, maybe get some WoW art done, and then sleep. Boring day is boring (except for the mad scramble to see the Homestuck update. lolol the internetz just can't handle what Hussie's dishin' out.)

crimson_firecat: (Default)
I just left livejournal cause of the bullshitting staff. My friend from moodbox invited me here.

Uh... I'm kinda hot and icky feeling like I've got the flu, and am contemplating opening a window even though it's like 45F outside. Bluuuuuh.

Also lonely even though there's a shitload of people on. Just not the one I really really want to be on. Grawr. Should be leveling on WoW but don't feel like it. ALSO should be working on WoW character ref sheets but... Bah. Make me.

Hopefully something more competently written next time I feel like writing here.

In the meantime, check out my art sites for all my art and better written journal entries. *points at links on the page*



crimson_firecat: (Default)


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